Skating In Heels
by Nitrobot
Summary: Both Starscream and Airachnid have heels, but only one of them knows how to look good on the ice with them.


_Considering this is my most popular TF fic on AO3 (for some reason), it's a wonder I didn't upload it earlier._

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"Blasted fragging earth elements... freezing my aft off out here for some glorified chassis bulk..." Starscream furiously muttered under his breath as his circuits frosted over, kicking at the snow drifts under heel. Only his claws digging into his servos kept him from collapsing in a system freeze. He didn't know what he was expecting when he heard he was being deployed to the 'Antarctic', but it certainly wasn't _this._

"Do lighten up, Starscream," a mocking voice called out from his left, and his denta gritted from growing annoyance. "Scowls don't much flatter you."

"I wouldn't expect _you_ to know anything about _flattering,_ Airachnid," he bit back, and he growled in contempt at the laugh that his insult drew from her.

"Well, now that you mention it, I _do_ wish I picked out a more appropriate armour colour for our little expedition." She put on a mocking pout as she inspected her servos. "Black is just _so_ out of place here..."

' _Speak for yourself, wretch.'_ Starscream hadn't believed Knockout when he said that the Earth's Antarctic had temperatures to rival Cybertron's own poles and played host to all manner of creatures curious to the taste of metal, as well as something called an 'Abominable Snowman'.

The seeker was wary of just how much human media Knockout was indulging himself in, but he kept his rockets at the ready just in case as they trudged over a low hill.

A veneer of ice over the wide expanse of former-lake greeted them at the foot of it. Starscream's grumble was cold even for sub-zero conditions.

"We'll have to fly over it."

"Will we, now?" Airachnid was already tapping a ped against the ice surface, her heel chipping sharply into it. "I think to best preserve our energon reserves we should _walk_ over it." Her smirk twitched wider at the look of horror on Starscream's frozen faceplate.

"Are you _mad,_ Airachnid?!" He approached the edge of the lake to stand beside her. "This... 'ice' substance, do you even know how dangerous it can be? Why every year over a hundred humans _die_ from simply slipping on it-"

"Are you saying that you are as _weak_ as a human, Starscream?" Airachnid blinked innocently before giving a smug chuckle. "I always thought as much, but thank you for clarifying."

"I am simply saying we should _exercise caution,"_ he hissed through frozen denta fighting against chattering in the cold.

"You know, I _have_ been meaning to get some exercise..." she absently mused before stepping backwards onto the ice, letting the propulsion of her slide carry her away from the edge of the snow. Starscream was too slow to grab her before she went out of reach.

"Airachnid! This is no time for games, come back here at once!" She didn't look back at him before prodding one of her back legs further along on the ice, and pulling herself forward by digging into it. She swung herself around gracefully, eyeing Starscream's taught posture in amusement and winking at him.  
"You'll have to catch me first, won't you, Screamer?"

"I WILL DO NO SUCH THI-" Airachnid didn't even wait for his outburst to end before continuing her skating, lightly touching her heels along the fragile glass underneath and making each step look as easy as eating energon sticks.

As Starscream found out when he tried to pursue her, it was in fact as easy as making Soundwave smile, and he was sprawled on his aft in less than a nanoklick. He tried to pick himself up before Airachnid could see him, but his next collision with the ice cracked against his chin and filled his mouth with energon. He resorted to his claws to try and pull himself belly-down along the treacherous ground like Airachnid had done with her legs, but the bite of the cold underneath was sharp and Airachnid's laughter sharper still.

Jumping to his pedes to try and confront her only resulted in him slamming down on his back, almost ending up buried under freezing salt water and cracked ice. Sudden fear made his optics go wide and his servos start flailing to try and get himself away from danger, and somehow he managed to grab onto Airachnid's passing hand and finally get himself standing again. He was still holding onto her like a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, too proud to see himself end up as helpless as a sparkling again and more than a little terrified of almost ending up waterlogged. Airachnid was amused beyond measure.

"It seems I've found the one thing seekers _can't_ do gracefully. Or at all." Starscream wrenched himself away from her before losing his balance all over again and clinging back onto a shoulderplate, still scowling.

"Well _you_ can waste all the time you want in this death trap, _I'm_ flying!" As long as he jumped before transforming he figured he'd manage to get himself a decent angle to follow upwards, but he was still hesitant about leaving Airachnid's stability.

"Oh Starscream, you are always so quick to give up the klick your ego has a chip in it." If the spider's optics rolling didn't expose her skepticism at Starscream's adamancy, then her tone spoke all the other volumes needed. "All you need is some _expert_ help." She brought her servo around so that Starscream's ended up linked through it, and without warning she slid off again along the ice, dragging him along with her whether he wanted to come or not.

"Try to not wail so loudly, darling, it really ruins the atmosphere."

"I'LL RUIN _YOUR_ ATMOSPHERE IF YOU DON'T UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT!" Starscream ordered as he struggled against her grip- surprisingly strong for a bot her size. His pedes left long gouges in the ice behind as he skidded along. By contrast Airachnid was an eight-legged goddess sweeping effortlessly through the freeze, spinning sideways and twirling just because she could- and she knew she looked good doing them.

At some point Starscream finally discovered how to keep both his pedes out of the air and warily tried to copy Airachnid's own leg movements, shifting weight off of his heel and slightly changing direction with his hips. The loud scraping of metal on ice abruptly ended, as well as the long gouged line from his pedes.

The other side of the lake was thankfully in short distance, and Starscream reached it a lot faster when Airachnid swung him from behind and launched him far across the rest of the ice, silently challenging him to stay upright when he hit solid ground again.

And Primus was shining upon him that frostbitten day, because miraculously, he did.

"I-I'm, we're across!" He sounded more like he just survived an attack by Metroplex than having managed to cross a single icy lake.

"I see all those falls haven't damaged your awareness sensors," Airachnid quipped, but Starscream didn't deign to notice it. Inwardly he blamed his leg shakes on the stifling cold and not the prolonged near-death experience behind him as he tapped the ice shards off of his heels.

Though everything _else_ started shaking when he felt Airachnid place a warm kiss on his frozen cheek.


End file.
